I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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