maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
