Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
