God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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