i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
sex in a hospital.. check
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
