If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
