I could have mohawked her pubes.
only you would photoshop your dick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
