dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
