Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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