So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
