just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
