i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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