names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
