I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
