I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
