His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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