she was so not down for the gang bang
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
