Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
