just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
