ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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