im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
