we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am naked and annoyed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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