You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So many bounce houses so little time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
