we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
