So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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