Already got asked if we're dating
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
