I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
