New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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