seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
