Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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