hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
