I just pynch a tree in the face
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
