I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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