Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
