There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
