East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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