Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
