I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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