I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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