Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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