they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
