Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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