Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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