Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
