He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
