i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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