my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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