Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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