So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
