...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
