I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
