btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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