She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
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