i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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