if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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