Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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