seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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